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Alpha Male

1

I'm an Alpha male.

And girls want to fuck alpha males. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasons you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you fucking touch her beyond that?

Yeah, I'm fucking her.

The hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly ask for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish?

Yeah, I'm fucking her too, even harder.

The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her?

Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me?


And what's more? I laugh at guys like you. When you cry about how much girls treat you bad, and wonder why they can't just see that you're a nice guy who would always treat them right? I nod and tell you to hang in there, you'll find someone right for you someday, don't give up hope man. But inside? I'm laughing my ass off at you you pathetic fuck. Every girl you set your sights on, who isn't a disgusting pig-monster, I'm going to fuck 6 ways from sunday before you even tell her you think she's cute. I won't bother trying when you finally settle for that 350 pound girl who works at hardees, you can have that. Anything else I'm going to cum on her face before you get those lips near it.

And the biggest reason I laugh? It's not me doing all this. It's the girls. When you cry about how lonely you are? Or talk about how you just want to curl up and disappear, and all that emo bullshit? You're triggering her "Don't Fuck" instinct something fierce. You're a miserable weak coward, why would she want your genes? Feel free to buy her a new computer and help her decorate her apartment, you're great for that. But her baby-maker is barking orders at her, telling her to wrap her legs around me and hold on for as long as she can. She needs it, on a primal level you'll never get to see first hand, even if you do get a chance to fuck her. Sooner or later one of them will lay back and spread their legs, but you won't see any hunger in their eyes. They won't beg you to love them forever and make them yours. You won't know what it's like to see her animal side needing you as much as she needs to eat and breath.


And she's cheating on you, I promise that. When she sits around quiet and uncomfortable, acting irritable and irrational towards you, wanting you to just back away and leave her alone, it's not her period. It's because I haven't called her for a day or two and her instincts are telling her to go find me. The primitive section of her brain doesn't want to risk smelling like another man when she gives herself to me, she wants me to know she's completely mine. We do things together she tells you she never would. Her pooper? Mine. I want to give her a facial? of course. I want her to suck the cum out of my dick, even though I just finished pumping away at her ass? she's never going to tell me no. She doesn't WANT to tell me no. She wants me to know she'll do anything it takes to keep me. She'll rim my ass while she's down there sucking me off if it means pleasing me. She'll drink my cum from a shotglass. She'll wear a buttplug when we go out to dinner. She'll sleep handcuffed to my headboard. Anything.

And then she'll go home to you and tell you she's not in the mood today.

I'd say you should become an hero, but you being around makes her want a real man all the more, so keep fagging it up emo bitches, I'll keep that pussy warm while you're crying in the corner.

2

Okay but can you program in 15 different programming/computer languages including LISP and Assembly,and have you memorized and are able to recite from memory the entire SICP along with every single exercise and Sussman video?

If not, get outta /prog/

3

I lol'd at some of the stereotypical behavior mentioned in >>1

4

>>1
Back to /b/, please

5

Hey >>1,

My name is John, and I hate you. You are a fat, retarded, no-life who spend every second of your day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook.

Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than "jack off to naked drawn Japanese people"? I also get straight A's, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are a faggot who should just kill yourself. Thanks for listening.

Code Related: It's me and my loeb
loeb = fix (fmap . flip id =<<)

6

:(

7

it was a hot summer day and I was in my workout room benching 1200 pounds. My abs were flexing and girls within a 10 mile radius were getting wet. Once I was done with my daily 32 hour workout I called one of the bitches I know, Jessica. She is really **** hot and looks like a supermodel. SO I got into my Lamborghini Gallardo and reved it up to 40,000 RPM (this is an Italian import with special engine system). I got onto the freeway near my house and threw it into 8th gear, I hit about 600 mph and I could hear the sonic boom as I broke the sound barrier. As I was flooring it on the freeway like a badass, Jessica called me and said she wanted me to **** her. So be it.

I came to a full stop from 700 mph in front of her house. These Ferrari's have top notch brakes, you know. So she gets out of the house and walks up to my Bugatti and starts eyeballing my dick. I could tell she was staring at it because when I looked at her I noticed she was looking at my dick. Booya. .

Flash forward to like 10 minutes later. My 30 inch dick is going inside of her VAGINA, hitting them walls. I'm holding her entire body up with my left pinky as I'm **** her and she has 30,000 orgasms. She looks me in the eyes and she says "harder." V-TEC just kicked in, yo. I blow my load so hard she falls off my dick. There had to have been about two pints of cum everywhere. People say I cum like a pornstar, I wouldn't disagree with them.

I throw her a towel so she can clean herself up then I do a triple backflip into my Maserati and drive home.

8

>>7
hot

9

girls are overrated :)

10

>>9
Exactly, who needs girls when I can have sex with Leah Culver

11

>>7
I guess that's what reaching satori must feel like.

12

>>10

you cant have sex with it either.
i was thinnking more about having sex with a hand if you catch my drift

13

>>12
You should be thinking about going back to /b/, if you catch my drift.

14

>>13
explain

15

sage

16

>>13
/b/ is back? You liar, it isn't! I just checked!

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOUR POST! I CHECKED FOR /b/ 5 TIMES! DIE IN A FIRE!

17

>>1
I'm an Alpha geek.

And girls want to fuck alpha geeks. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is total hardbody with great tits and ass, and is totally horny and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who fail to keep up with her sexual demands? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't fucked her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than a friend. The one who will curl up next to you on the couch in bar, ask you to buy her a drink, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you fucking touch her beyond that?

Yeah, I'm fucking her.

The geeky but hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you show off with your guido pals? The one who comes up and asks you for training advice, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish?

Yeah, I'm fucking her too, even harder.

The girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She's a cheerleader for the team you play in, hangs out with the most popular of the girls, and reads Cosmopolitan? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her?

Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me?

18

This thread is hilariously stupid. Carry on, chaps.

19

>>17
+1 internats to you, sir

20

why doesn't ctrl+c close the current tab in fire fox?

21

>>20 because firefox sucks shit

22

>>21
3/10

23

i fucking pissed my pants ITT .

24

This thread is not up to /prog/ standards.

25

Read SICP!

>>24
How about now?

26

>>23
I pissed my pants twice as fast and twice as much as you.

27

piss on ur face

28


<jpcooper> is there any kind of data type for bags?
<jpcooper> that is, like Maps, but allowing multiple items with the same key
<jpcooper> maybe I don't mean bags at all

29

I definitely don't want bags, having looked up the definition

30

>>23,26
Wetting considered harmful.

Consider diapers, this has the duel use of allowing to code for much longer periods of time.

>>28
boost::bimap if you're using Sepples. Otherwise you'd have to keep two maps updated in parallel to use two keys.

31

>>30
s/duel/dual

32

>>30
What, I think you mean std::multimap in Sepples.

33



    I definitely don't want bags, having looked up the definition

34

>>17
Gerald?

35

>>34
Good grief, Hal! Is that you?

36

This is now LISP Part 1023

LISP!

37

I definitely don't want bags, having looked up the definition

38

I definitely want bags, having looked up the definition

39

std::low_hanging_bags

40

>>39
Do your bags hang low, do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow?
[u]Can you throw them o'er your shoulder, like a continental soldier?[u]
Do your bags hang low?

41

memories of primary school evoked

42

>>40
I definitely don't want bags, having looked up the definition

43

I'm Wolfram Alpha.

And girls want to search on Wolfram Alpha. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasons you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you fucking touch her beyond that?

44

>>40

You need to spend more time at BBCode School

45

>>43
I lulzed

46

prog ain't nothing but a business going on

47

>>45
lulz
Back to /b/, please.

48

praaag

49

Korean women would never sleep with such a vile person as you, OP

50

>>49
They would, but they obviously wouldn't admit it to you.

52

53

Ah the old /prog/, how I love thee.

54

>>49

Korean ugly dog eating ship builder woman they no soul women high cheekbones smell like cat.

55

>smell like cat.
You talk like its a bad thing. I like cats.

56

>>55
I like CAT6.

57

>>55

YOU RIKE DEM GRILLED OR FRIED HASUBANDU?

58

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63

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64

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